You and I, we likely have not met. Are you autistic?
You very well might be if you have come across my site. It’s all about autistic mental health after all.
So, here’s a question. Do you see yourself as somehow less than others?
I do, no matter how hard I try to evidence the opposite to myself. I am a qualified therapist, I should know better. And I’ve had forty years to acquire some kind of life confidence. One would have thought…
Low self-esteem is very common among my autistic counselling clients. It could be that I draw in people like myself because they resonate with what I have to say. Or it could be reflective of the general autistic population.
What do you think? Is low self-esteem in autistic adults a frequent occurrence?
Seeing yourself as inferior can come through in many ways. You could be hesitant to start a new exercise routine, study towards a qualification, initiate a friendship and even simply speak up for yourself. Unsurprisingly, few of these are likely to be beneficial to your wellbeing. The sense of inferiority can hold us back.
Honestly, do you stop yourself from trying new things and setting goals by deciding you’re not good enough to succeed?
One idea that has made a big difference to me is the concept of growth mindset. It has been proven in neuroscience that our brains are capable of forming new connections and therefore developing continuously throughout our life-times. And it happens through practice, through repetition of cognitive activity.
Angela Duckworth’s “Grit” offers wonderful inspiration if you’d like solid scientific substantiation for the very real possibility of positive change. Effort, perseverance and a bit of luck is a powerful combination. Try it.
There might be times when even with the best determination things don’t go as you wish them to. For me low self-esteem makes itself known at social gatherings and in comparing myself to others.
I have failed at several social occasions last year. It did not feel good. That’s ok. I am alright at other things, like spending hours engrossed in data analysis. I am also good at helping people in emotional distress.
Do you mostly prefer your own company? Does being around animals bring you generally more joy than being with people? Fine. Don’t force it.
Everyone has a differing level of the need to socialise. There is something about self-acceptance.
How about you, what are you alright or even stellar at? I am sure there will be something. And if not yet, then what would you like it to be?
What's holding you back aside from self-doubt?
If you have found this short post in a moment of despair at your seeming inadequacy, I hope you feel a little less alone now.
I can’t offer my counselling clients magical solutions but I certainly extend all my understanding. And a bit of genuine empathy is all it takes sometimes to realise that you are an ok human, not a broken one. It is from this base that growth happens.
Think you may want some support with working out what autism means to you? I am a counsellor, supporting autistic adults, and a happily autistic person myself. Reach out.
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