When you first realise you are autistic, whether through self-identification or formal assessment, it can be an unsettling time figuring out what autism means to you. This may involve renegotiating relationships and perhaps even reviewing how you go about life.
My personal experience of coming to terms with neurodivergence has been that I certainly did not see myself as disabled in any way. Even the social model of disability in relation to the autistic neurotype did not sit well with me. I equally did not subscribe to the pathology-informed view of autism as a condition to be endured.
But what is this self-knowledge of "not"? What was I instead?
I have my strengths--focus, determination, dedication to learning, visual perception, creativity. And there is a lot I am not good at--maths, physical coordination, patience, group work and more. Given this, I have got on with life the best I could.
Eventually I settled on just sticking with the facts. I am Lii and I happen to be autistic. Being me is being autistic. It is the entirety of my experience, how I sense the world, understand it and interact with it.
I am unique but I am not alone in my differences from the majority. There is a sizeable segment of the world population, whose experience of life is broadly-speaking similar to mine.
Autism is often seen through the lens of "deficits", which arguably could be considered the reverse sides of autistic strengths. For example, difficulty with neurotypical social interaction my also mean self-sufficiency and ability to happily spend long periods of time in own company.
I sincerely hope with greater proactive involvement of autistic people in research into autism, the balanced, neurodiversity-affirmative perspective will prevail. It is the view that allows us self-understanding through positive differences.
What do you make of the current perspectives on autism? Which one makes sense to you? Is there a view that you find particularly useful?
Think you may want some support with working out what autism means to you? I am a counsellor, supporting autistic adults, and a happily autistic person myself. Reach out.
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