Do untidiness and dirt make you depressed? Try these ideas from your autistic therapist on how to deal with mess.

If it feels like you need order and cleanliness around you to function, there are lots of us out there, who are the same.

It might be that, like me, you are autistic and the presence of structure and clarity in your environment is really important--it allows you to think, to feel emotionally balanced and able to get on with tasks.

What is the issue?

I suspect you have no problem keeping your own space tidy but there are some "invaders" ruining your calm system.

Chaos-creation may not be malicious but the frustration is real. You bear it as long as you can, piece your order back together and clean continuously...however futile an exercise it may prove to be.

The reality often is that unless those around you share the same ideas about living standards and the sheer psychological need for order, maintaining a tidy space can turn into a thankless task.

Dealing with mess, especially the kind that is relentlessly created and not by you, is soul-destroying. It can cause strain in relationships.

Do you relate?

It could be a housemate, a well-meaning and yet messy partner, or perhaps it is children...While you could at least try to have a rational conversation with adults, little people are just not ready to receive the message.

So how can you help yourself deal with mess?

Here are ideas I have tried myself and some that my therapy clients have found useful:

1. Communicate. Conflict is less likely to arise if you open a positive dialogue, genuinely intending to find a compromise. It might be that the messy people in your household are prepared to meet you half-way if they get something good from it in exchange. Worth trying this even with small children but admittedly it requires a lot of patience

   
   

2. Create. A sacred space for your inner balance could be just the haven you need. No mess allowed there under any circumstances. It may just be a corner of a room but it is a protected zone for you to regain sanity. If you could have a whole room, great, even better if it has a lock

   
   

3. Consider escaping. If all else fails, seriously ponder on the possibility of getting a space of your own. I am aware this is an unrealistic option in many situations. However, escape can be temporary, like taking a short break by yourself in a tidy place or working from an immaculately organised office

Do you struggle with negotiating an environment that is orderly? Feel like it is impacting your wellbeing?

If so, I can help you to figure out what is at the crux of this and to think through your options.

My name is Lii, I am an autistic counsellor, supporting autistic adults. Shall we talk?

Book a session

Ideas on how to make things better may come in unexpected places