I can't do this anymore: how to get unstuck at work. A framework for autistic and AuDHD professionals in demanding careers.
- Lii Brooke
- 1 day ago
- 7 min read
You wake up dreading another day
The alarm goes off, it feels like you haven't slept at all. The nightmares have stolen the hours that should be restful.
Dread washes over you. Not again. Not another day of pretending you're fine, that the work means something, that you can keep this up. And the sheer amount and weight of it all.
"I can't do this anymore."
You've been saying it for months. Maybe years. But you're still here. Still doing it all at work and at home because if you don't, who will?
It looks like you have made it. Respected career, good salary, maybe managing a team. But all you feel is apathy and exhaustion. There's the inability to start even simple tasks, to remain focused. You watch colleagues seemingly breeze through their days while you're struggling. "Everyone else is managing. Why can't I?"
You're not pathetic. You know this deep down. You are clever and capable. But you're also burned out. And being autistic or AuDHD in a workplace with neurotypical expectations makes it exponentially worse.
This article offers a framework I use with autistic professionals in demanding careers to identify what's keeping you stuck and whether to negotiate, change roles or pivot entirely.
A note on employment vs self-employment
This article was written with the assumption that most of the readers are in an employed role but the questions I invite you to consider here are equally applicable to self-employment as well.
When I was preparing the content I was thinking of all the autistic and AuDHD clients in my counselling private practice, whose concerns revolved around the theme of being unhappy and trapped in their careers. Of course different clients have different needs for therapy but it struck me that there was a theme. Would you like to find out what is making you unhappy at work and how to move forward?
In this post I help you identify factors contributing to feeling stuck and get initial ideas on how to resolve this.
Before you start: are you currently in burnout?
If yes, please take time to recover. Inspiration is hard to come by when you are depleted and making plans can add to your exhaustion. So please attend to your physiological needs:
rest
nutrition
movement
social connection
These are non-negotiable foundations of your wellbeing. You deserve to take care of yourself.
The career sustainability assessment: three elements that reveal the key issues
There are often three key elements at play when you feel dissatisfied at work:
nature of the job
environment
the way you present yourself
When I work with autistic and AuDHD professionals who feel trapped in their careers, I see three recurring patterns. Understanding which pattern (or combination) applies to you is the first step to getting unstuck.
One important caveat: everything that happens outside of work (caring responsibilities, other projects, life demands) also drains your resources. Ever feel like at the end of the work day your chair swivels into a different kind of job? Does domestic labour claim most hours outside of making money? It probably does. Keep that context in mind as you work through this assessment.
Further on there is a free framework to help you think through your individual circumstances.
Let's go through each of the three elements mentioned earlier.
Nature of work: has your job lost meaning?
The nature of work is about how fulfilled you are in your role. You may wish to consider questions like:
What makes my job meaningful to me?
How am I using my strengths and learning new skills?
To what extent do I have a sense of accomplishment from doing my job well?
For many autistic professionals this is where the apathy sets in. The work that once challenged and excited you now feels meaningless. You're good at it but you don't care anymore. That loss of purpose is discouraging but fixable.
Environment: is your workplace difficult?
The environment can be a very important factor because of how much it encompasses, considering the sensory aspects of the physical environment and also the social and the organisational eco-systems you find yourself in. Questions to consider might be:
How physically comfortable am I at my workplace?
How psychologically safe do I feel?
How connected do I feel to the people?
The autistic workplace experience often includes navigating office politics, managing teams, performing social rituals. It is bothersome and tiring if people management is not your strength or when you can see through all the power games. You can see through it and have better plans for your resources.
Masking: have you had enough of pretending?
Lastly, the masking element. This is about how authentic you are able to be at work. Perhaps consider:
To what extent am I being myself at work?
How much do I worry about fitting in?
What kind of expectations might I be fulfilling?
There is a cost to masking. Decades of contorting yourself to fit in don't just cause burnout, they erode your sense of self. You've been so busy meeting social expectations, you no longer know who you actually are.
Three paths forward for autistic professionals unhappy in demanding careers: negotiate, change or pivot
Based on the answers to the questions above, you may wish to think which of the following actions to take.
1. Negotiate accommodations within your current role
Best when: The work is meaningful, the organisation is salvageable but specific conditions need adjusting
Examples: Remote work, flexible hours, sensory accommodations or some change in responsibilities
2. Change roles in the same or different organisation
Best when: The environment or nature of work is the issue but your field still holds meaning
Examples: Different department, lateral move or a new company in same sector
3. Pivot entirely to a new field or self-employment
Best when: Fundamental misalignment between your needs and corporate structures
Examples: Consulting, different industry, portfolio career, entrepreneurship
At this point you are exploring options and elucidating ways forward, not necessarily making steadfast commitments. I invite you to relax, set yourself free and dream a little…
This is useful for considering your next steps. It is helpful to know where you want to be so as to work out how to get there. Let's think about your ideal workplace.
What would a good day's work look like for you? I am going to ask you a few questions, please answer in your mind as you paint that vivid image of work that makes you happy.
You wake up. Where are you? What does the space look like?
What do you do after?
Where do you go?
How do you feel there?
What do you do?
Who’s there with you?
What happens afterwards?
How does the day end?
And how do you feel after that day?
After having done this brief but deep exercise, pay attention to the kinds of questions that may have surfaced for you. I hope the vision you created is compelling enough to return to often. As the idea of what you want your workdays to be like develops further in your mind the action alternatives of negotiating accommodations within role, changing role or organisation may become clearer too.
Get the free full workbook and scoring sheet to think through how you will build the career you want.
Frequently asked career questions from autistic and AuDHD professionals in burnout
I know something needs to change but I can't start. Is that normal and can therapy help?
Yes, it is absolutely normal! It is probably fair to say that for a lot of people work is connected to not only the fundamental practicalities of life, such as being able to afford food and shelter, but also to social status and self-esteem. Change may involve risk. Change often demands energy. And meaningful change on your own terms calls for clarity and vision. There is a lot to consider.
It might be worth thinking about what is holding you back. Is it because you are depleted, scared or don't know what you want? It could of course be a combination of all three, which is where therapy may help. I work collaboratively with my counselling clients on understanding what is at the crux of the issues they are experiencing. Together we work out how to move forward. At the end of the series of sessions you leave confident and hopeful about the future.
How do I know whether to negotiate, change roles, or pivot?
Taking action, really embracing your agency can be the best antidote to unhappiness at work. To help you understand what that action may look like, I would encourage you to work through the questions further up in the post (or using the downloaded worksheet) to see which element you score highest on.
It may even be that once you have allowed yourself to imagine the ideal workday, the answer presents itself to you. Now, the answer may come quickly but it may involve a focused and sustained effort to make the vision a reality.
What if I've been successful but hate my job? Am I ungrateful?
First of all, you are evidently very capable having made a success of your current occupation. Being good at something doesn't automatically mean that you find it meaningful or that your values are aligned with the ethos of your workplace. There could be so many reasons for the dissonance.
However, what might be useful to understand is where that sense of guilt is coming from, the worry about being ungrateful. I would encourage you to explore what deeply held belief leads you to believe you should stick with something even though you can't bear it.
What if I'm over 45, is it too late to change careers?
No. In fact many jobs could benefit from the experience, knowledge and insight you have built up in your life time. It might be useful to think through your vision for the next move and the resources required to make it happen. I trained as a counsellor in my late thirties, whilst working full-time in a different job and raising young children. Now I am in my forties with a portfolio career and hatching plans for further changes! Of course, I am going to tell you it's not too late.
/*My name is Lii Brooke, I am a BACP-accredited counsellor, data analyst and doctoral researcher. I have a windy career too and have considered options and ways forward many a time. Fulfilment at work is a topic I support with in therapy sessions for autistic professionals in demanding roles. The fee per 50-minute appointment is £120. Sessions are available in-person in Chalfont St Giles, near Gerrards Cross, and online across the UK and the Republic of Ireland.*/
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