Why am I so exhausted after work? Managing autistic masking for professionals in demanding careers

Do you feel exhausted to do anything after the office hours are over but you still pick up the vacuum cleaner and then re-run that last piece of code from bed? Until you are completely numb? You're excelling professionally: meeting deadlines, impressing clients, managing teams...but losing yourself in the process. By the time you get home, there's nothing left.

You might be experiencing autistic burnout from workplace masking.

If you've found this blog post, you likely already have a sense of what autistic masking means for you. Perhaps you're a late-diagnosed autistic professional in tech, law, academia, or another demanding career. You've spent decades unconsciously adapting to neurotypical workplace expectations and now the exhaustion has become unbearable.

What is autistic masking?

The usual caveat: what follows is my opinion, not a statement on how things are for everyone. To the best of my knowledge, there is not a consensus even amongst the autistic community.

Some people perceive autistic masking as a trauma response resulting from prolonged exposure to a hostile environment. Others, like myself, see autistic masking as an exacerbated version of the social masking most people experience in everyday contexts.

Often disagreements about autism become heated, with different perspectives vying for the position of the one and only truth. But that is the thing about autism, and about human experience per se, there is a vast variety of individual truths, rooted in the multitude of unique lives, each equally valid as the other.

Please believe you have the freedom to choose your truth. You do not have to buy into someone else's if it makes you want to curl up in the corner and perish.

So what understanding of autistic masking is useful for you? I invite you to decide for yourself.

Why am I so exhausted after work?

There could be several factors at play. If your workplace is a busy open-plan office with enthusiastic delivery leads chanting scrum ice-breakers all day, then perhaps even trusty Loops can't save you. High-intensity labour, be it mental, emotional or physical, is going to take its toll. Additionally, fulfilling expectations which differ from your authentic ways, is likely to consume enormous amounts of energy.

For autistic professionals, masking features strongly in workplace exhaustion. Consider what you're managing simultaneously:

• Sensory overstimulation. Fluorescent lights, keyboard clatter, colleagues' perfumes, background conversations, all while trying to focus on complex analytical work.

• Intense cognitive load. You're not just doing your job. You're constantly monitoring: "Am I making appropriate eye contact? Is my tone right? Did I laugh at the right moment? Should I have asked that question differently?"

• Workplace masking. Suppressing stimming, forcing yourself to attend unnecessary meetings, pretending small talk energises you rather than drains you, hiding your exhaustion behind a professional smile.

  
  

It is reasonable to assume that for many autistic professionals, there is much at stake at work: financial security, social connection, sense of purpose, even identity. Getting things right at work, including how others perceive you, can feel critical to your survival.

The combination of these elements can lead to autistic burnout if not offset by adequate downtime. And if you're also managing a relationship, children and household responsibilities the recovery time you need simply doesn't exist.

How can I manage autistic masking at work?

Letting people see your real self can be difficult if you don't feel safe. Masking plays a protective role, but it comes with a significant detriment to your wellbeing.

Unmasking is primarily rooted in a positive sense of self and closely linked with gaining autonomy and self-advocacy. Be gentle and patient with yourself. The mask may have kept you safe, now it is time for you to choose where and when to let go of it.

Start with small, low-risk experiments:

• Stop worrying about your body language. If crossing your arms and legs is your go-to pose, then do it. You do not have to project "openness". Eye contact might be uncomfortable,so feel free to look away or let your unapologetic direct gaze be. Most people won't mind,and you'll conserve energy.

• Give yourself time to respond. Instead of feeling pressured to reply instantly in meetings, give yourself permission to process information at your own pace.

• Request reasonable accommodations. Noise-cancelling headphones, working from home certain days, written agendas before meetings, permission to turn your camera off during video calls, whatever it is that would make the work environment easier, please ask.

• Find your people. Identify colleagues who already accept you. Test your authentic ways of being with them first. Perhaps it is the fellow introvert,who also escapes to a quiet corner at lunch, or the colleague, who communicates better via Slack messages than Teams calls.

• Communicate your needs directly. Try something like: "I work better with written instructions," "I need 24 hours to process big decisions," or "I'll be more focused if I can work from the quiet room this afternoon."

Perhaps decide which environments feel most favourable and test out your authentic way of being amongst people who already like you. As you build confidence, you can gradually expand your circle of unmasking.

Is it too late to stop masking?

The sheer fact that you are asking this question indicates that you have probably had enough of pretending to be someone you are not. Why continue living in a way that is constricting?

You've spent decades, perhaps your entire career, perfecting this performance. The thought of changing now might feel overwhelming. What if people reject the real you? What if you've lost yourself so completely that you don't even know who you are anymore?

If you have the opportunity to test out what it might be like to be more genuine around others, why not give it a go? Generally, people appreciate authentic connection, it's what makes relationships meaningful. A mask blocks this kind of bond. I wonder what you might gain by being more you.

Consider what unmasking might offer:

• Energy for your relationships. Imagine coming home with enough energy to actually connect with your partner, to be present with your children, to pursue interests that bring you joy.

• Reduced anxiety and anger. When you're not constantly monitoring and suppressing your natural responses, the pressure subsides. You might find yourself less prone to those sudden explosions of frustration that leave you feeling ashamed.

• A sense of self. You might finally discover what you actually enjoy, what you think, who you are beneath the professional persona.

Also think for a moment what your contribution to normalising autistic experience may mean for those who come after you. No positive social change happens out of resignation. Agency is needed for redressing an imbalance of power. And agency, I think, starts with the belief that one is deserving and capable.

It is not too late. But it does require intention, courage, and often support.

Frequently asked questions >>resume editing here

Q: How do I know if I'm experiencing autistic burnout?

A: Autistic burnout often shows up as extreme exhaustion and hopelessness, combined with emotional fragility. If you're just about functioning at work but feel utterly depleted elsewhere, that's a strong indicator.

Q: Can I unmask completely at work without risking my career?

A: Complete unmasking might not be realistic in all professional contexts. If masking is understood as a by-product of social cohesion, the aim is to reduce masking to a sustainable level. Start with small changes towards authenticity and assess which aspects of masking are most draining for you. Many autistic professionals find they can reduce masking significantly while maintaining career success. It's about finding your sustainable balance, not an all-or-nothing proposition.

Q: Will my relationships improve if I stop masking?

A: In my professional experience many autistic adults find that reducing masking improves their close relationships significantly. When you're not using up all your energy at work, you have capacity for genuine emotional connection at home. However, your partner may need time to adjust to the "real you," especially if you're late-diagnosed and have been masking throughout your entire relationship. For more insights, see my short article on why it feels like relationships go wrong after autism diagnosis.

Q: I'm a late-diagnosed autistic adult—is it normal to feel angry about all the years I spent masking?

A: Absolutely. Many late-diagnosed autistic adults experience grief, anger and confusion alongside relief when they realise how much energy they've spent trying to be someone they're not. This is a valid response to decades of unnecessary struggle. Processing these emotions, often with a therapist who understands autism, is an important part of moving forward.  For more thoughts see my short article on how therapy can help autistic adults in emotional distress.

Q: What's the difference between autistic masking and just being professional?

A: It is perhaps reasonable to assume that most people moderate their behaviour in professional settings. The difference is the intensity and cost. Autistic masking often involves suppressing fundamental aspects of how you process the world: your sensory needs, your communication style, your need for predictability. It's the difference between "putting on professional gloss" and "pretending to be a different person for 40+ hours a week." If you're completely depleted by the effort and feel strong resentment, it's gone beyond typical professional behaviour.

Working with an autistic counsellor who understands demanding careers

As an autistic professional, who works as a data analyst at a management consultancy while running a counselling practice, I understand the specific pressures you face. I know what it's like to navigate hidden power dynamics, manage complex stakeholder relationships and maintain professional credibility, all while managing sensory overstimulation and the exhaustion of forcing yourself to fit in. Have a look at this page, if you'd like to know more about me.

I specialise in supporting autistic professionals in tech, academia, law and other demanding careers, who are experiencing:

• Autistic burnout and workplace exhaustion

• Difficulty reducing masking without risking career success

• Relationship struggles stemming from having "nothing left" at home

• Anger management and emotional regulation challenges

• Late diagnosis adjustment and identity exploration

  
  

My approach is autism-affirming and solution-focused. I guide you to work with your neurotype, not against it. We focus on practical strategies for sustainable career success, improved relationships and genuine wellbeing. Read more on how I can help you.

In-person sessions are available in Gerrards Cross, Buckinghamshire and online across the UK and Republic of Ireland.

Book your free 15-minute introductory call to explore whether we're a good fit.

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/* I am an autistic counsellor, data analyst and postgrad researcher, helping autistic professionals to manage burnout, reduce masking and negotiate positive relationships.

Autism and success are absolutely possible: define your acceptance criteria and go for it.*/

Work in progress. In so many ways.