Hard to find the words? Autistic professionals' communication challenges at work and at home.
- Lii Brooke
- Feb 18, 2024
- 6 min read
Updated: Jan 9
Hard to find the right words? Any words. Especially when you want to get your view across but instead you agree with others to keep the peace? You may notice this in the office and also with your family and friends, constantly accommodating others while your own needs go unmentioned.
You're intellectually very capable, brilliant at the technical side of your job. But the people side is another matter. The constant need to pay attention to others and get their "buy-in" or to just talk about stuff that doesn't interest you... Draining.
It may seem that everyone else communicates with ease, it comes naturally to them, like breathing. If you're an autistic professional in your late 20s or 30s, you might be worrying that technical excellence alone won't carry you through your career. Ability to engage others is key, whether it's to share your ideas, inspire teams or keep clients happy. And it doesn't stop at work. At home you may also want to advocate for your own needs and negotiate compromises. Sometimes it gets so hard you stop speaking altogether.
If you are a fellow autistic person, you might identify strongly with what the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5) terms “frequent and sustained problems in social communication and interaction”. Autistic struggle with communication is indeed one of the two core criteria on which the diagnosis is made. The second criterion is “fixed and repeating patterns of behaviors, interests, or tasks”, which also includes sensory-related points.
DSM-5 is published by the American Psychiatric Association and is widely recognised as the authoritative source on psychiatric diagnoses. It makes for a bleak read if you are autistic and looking to learn more about your neurotype. As both a therapist and an autistic person, my position is autism-affirmative. I invite you to consider what might be hiding under the "communication challenges" for you? Could it perhaps be about one or more of the following:
Not being sure what it is you want to say
Low self-worth and confidence
Depleted energy levels
Sensory overload
Mismatch of communication styles
Personally I have met autistic people, who are brilliantly eloquent but may still find themselves experiencing situational mutism in environments that don't suit their nervous system.
And how about you? What lies at the core of interaction issues for you?
Why workplace communication challenges arise for autistic professionals
In many work environments, communication demands can be relentless:
Processing information in real-time in meetings while monitoring your tone, body language and whether you're contributing "enough"
Decoding ambiguous email, Teams and Slack messages, interpreting tone, knowing when to be direct or diplomatic
Putting your point across effectively, including setting boundaries and advocating for your needs, without slipping into people-pleasing
Handling unexpected questions with the pressure to respond instantly when you need processing time
And of course the "side of desk" activities that may come with their own exhausting social performance that has nothing to do with your actual job
For some autistic professionals, particularly those navigating early career progression, the inability to articulate needs may become a barrier to success. This could happen because you have not yet gained sufficient power to do things your way without explanation. You may default to masking. It could also be due to the communication process itself being so utterly overwhelming, which combined with other demands can lead to autistic burnout.
Being able to articulate our thoughts and emotions to others allows for a beginning of a social bond. The sense of belonging is hugely important to mental health as well as being a precursor of practical success. Humans are social animals and we need each other for survival.
There are many sayings in which the impossibility of healthy solitary existence is imprinted, “No man is an island” for example. Aside from my autistic clients often tell me that’s exactly how they feel, very much alone.
Strategies for navigating workplace communication
If this sounds familiar, here are a couple of things I have found effective for communication in a neurotypical setting.
Accept that communication with non-autistic people might be genuinely harder for you
You're not bad at your job. You're not unprofessional. You're navigating a neurotypical communication culture that can differ vastly from how many autistic people prefer to interact with others. Double empathy problem (Milton, 2012) is a concept in autism theory that suggests that communication within neurotypes may have less friction than communication between neurotypes.
Stop comparing yourself to colleagues who seem to effortlessly talk for long periods of time. They're not smarter or more capable, they're just operating in their native communication style.
Your technical brilliance and deep focus are strengths. The communication piece? That requires different strategies, not relentless self-criticism. If you have been fighting against your autistic nature until now, please stop. There’s only one of you in the entire world and no one knows you better than you do. Please take care of yourself.
Self-understanding and compassion yield greater results than punishment. It is hard to be good to others when you are not good to yourself. And by and large, people like those who treat them well. So the communication and interaction piece starts with how you treat you.
Let people know your communication preferences
This might sound paradoxical but often the biggest breakthrough comes from being direct.
"I process information better when I have questions in advance of meetings, please could you send the agenda in advance?"
"I work better with written communication than verbal. Please could we follow up this conversation with an email summary?"
"I need time to think before responding to complex questions. Please may I get back to you by end of day?"
Many managers and colleagues will accommodate these requests once you articulate them. And if your workplace won't? That's a hint on whether this environment is sustainable for you.
Finally, offer kindness and patience in return, whatever the reaction
Irrespective of the response from people towards your autistic way of being, consider giving to others the acceptance and empathy you wish to receive. It is much easier to be nice to someone, who is good to you first.
Struggling to communicate your needs at work?
As an autistic therapist, who also works as a data analyst at a management consultancy, I understand the pressure of "optics" in professional environments. I know what it's like to be technically good while finding workplace communication exhausting. Book a free 15-minute call to explore strategies for your specific situation.
Frequently asked questions about workplace communication
Q: Will telling my manager I'm autistic hurt my career prospects?
A: The answer very much depends on the individual situation. Some workplaces are genuinely supportive, others sadly aren't. Perhaps consider whether you need formal accommodations that require disclosure. If not and you are cautious for rational reasons about disclosing being autistic, trust your judgement. You can often request accommodations (written agendas, processing time, quiet workspace) without disclosing autism, framing them as "communication preferences" or "how I work best." Therapy can help you think through the risks and benefits for your specific situation.
Q: How do I explain that I need processing time without seeming incompetent?
A: Reframe it as thoroughness, not slowness: "I want to give you a considered response rather than react immediately." Or: "I do my best thinking when I have time to process, could we schedule a follow-up conversation tomorrow?" Most managers value thoughtful responses over instant ones. This is communicating your work style, not admitting weakness.
Q: Everyone else seems to handle meetings fine. Why can't I?
A: They're operating in their native communication style. You're managing multiple simultaneous demands: processing verbal information, monitoring body language, tracking group dynamics, formulating responses, and suppressing overload. That's genuinely harder, not because you're less capable but because you're navigating a system suited to a different neurotype. This isn't a personal failing.
Q: Can therapy actually help with workplace communication or is this just how I am?
A: Therapy won't change your neurotype (thankfully!), but it can help you identify which communication demands are negotiable, develop strategies for common workplace situations, practice advocating for your needs, process the frustration and shame around communication struggles and decide whether your current workplace is sustainable long-term. Many autistic professionals find that with the right environment, workplace communication becomes far more manageable.
Working with an autistic therapist who understands professional demands
As an autistic professional working in tech alongside running a private practice, I navigate workplace communication challenges daily. Confession: I am often not great at it either! But I deeply believe that communication challenges do not define autistic neurotype but are in fact a symptom of person/environment mismatch.
I specialise in supporting autistic professionals in their 20s and 30s who are experiencing:
Workplace communication anxiety (meetings, emails, presentations)
Difficulty articulating needs to managers and colleagues
Low self-esteem and lack of confidence despite strong technical skills
Overload from constant social performance at work
Career progression concerns related to interaction expectations
My approach focuses on practical strategies and addresses the root cause of issues.
In-person sessions in Gerrards Cross, Buckinghamshire, and online across the UK and Republic of Ireland.
/*You don't have to choose between being yourself and career success. Workplace communication can become manageable with the right strategies and environment. Book your free 15-minute call to explore how therapy can help you communicate with more ease while staying true to your autistic self.*/
Milton, D. E. M. (2012). On the ontological status of autism: the 'double empathy problem'. Disability & Society, 27(6), 883-887.
